This is where I found myself. It says "143" but I'm certainly not there. That is not here. And if that's the case, where am I? The only noise I can hear is my own breath, and the silence along with it. Is anyone here? I can't see anyone. Why is that? Why am I here? How am I here? One could only guess. But then again, it's never too late to look for answers. And why would it be? There's no harm in seeing the unseen. But the sense of unease is there in the peripherals, the thought that, it's not going to be alright. Just one look may end it all.
But, the sense is there to prevent the thought of continuing. Wanting to stare and stare and stare and stare at that number. But that is now the whole. That is not the end-all be-all of my here. I am here, and here is not only the number, but here is simply here. Take it in, and look and see. See the silence. Feel it. But why is it empty? Is it not supposed to be filled? Now the sounds that accompany the silence is my footsteps, my breath, and my thoughts.
Of course, meandering. A pass time of sorts. Where to be? Where to go? It lies unknown. But exploration? I have no sense of eager towards that. I need not travel. But I need answers. That, I do need. As I continue it all falls into place, one location after another. There are no differences. Indistinguishable. Now, of all the times, it is captivating. The number kept me from looking away out of fear, now I cannot look away from curiosity. I cannot erase this from my mind.
It's the same as before. The same, same, same same. I walk and continue. Walk and continue. A, and I continue, B, and I continue, C, and I continue. West, East, it all repeats, with no meaning at all. A, B, West, East, C, A, East, B, West, C, when does it ever end? But the thought, of course, shatters as something new enters view. An elevator. Where does it lead? Where does it go?
The elevator dings, and what is this? What does this do? What does this mean? I can't tell. But I know it's a warning. A sign. A message. Something to say, "turn around." Something that lies in plain sight, leaving the uninitiated in fear. There is only one option, of course. I know what it is. Well, the other choice too, possibly. But no. no, no, no, no, no. It's not that easy. It's not that simple. Turn around. Go back. Don't come back. That is what the message tells me. I can only listen.
Back down. Down. Where to? Next stop? What a joke. There is no "next stop" this is all one endlessly pathetic stop. Nothing beats down life like monotony. An interesting monotony. It was before, but is it now? Is it really? There is no lying, and the answer is obvious. The boring monotony. Boring, boring, boring. Why must I be here? How must I be here? Where can I leave? How can I leave?
This endless complex. I can't do this for anything. Nobody would do this for the entire world. Nobody would want to go mad. Mad? Am I mad? I don't know. There is no telling if oneself is mad, only if one tells me. But who will tell me? Who will yell at me, saying "your mad!" Who will announce to the world that insanity has captivated me. Who? Who? I can't tell myself that. I've tried. Nothing that I've tried works. So who? Who?
Nobody, of course. Not a single soul. Alone. I'm alone. Yes. That's what's happening. I'm alone. To be forgotten. Forgotten. I am alone, forgotten, and scared. Yes. Alone, forgotten, and scared. Forgotten. Alone. Forgotten. Alone. Forgotten. God! Is it that hard to think strait? No? An elevator? When did it get here? Where will it take me?
My steam condenses to water, and the water turns to pure, and clear ice. This, is nice. Nice. Yes. This is nice. Loneliness is a choice. A decision. Madness is a choice. I got asked, and said yes. Why? Why did I say yes? It was a deal. The deal. My deal. All is well. It is all well. Yes, all is well.
But is all really well? Is it really? This escalator says otherwise. It says all is not well. It brings me down, and all is not well. It never was. Surely, it had to have been. Surely. It brings me down, but calms me it does not. As it brings me down, it rises my thoughts. They are breaking free. I am not alone. I was never alone. I am being watched.
It is you. It's always been you.
I don't know who you are. But I do know you are watching my thoughts now.
How are you doing it?
And is it true that you are doing this?
Am I mad? Am I mad? Am I mad? Am I mad? Am I mad?
I am. It's true. I can now accept it. I can now do what needs to be done. I haven't seen daylight in forever. Forever. But daylight is what I need. And daylight is what I'm going to get.
Nothing is in my way.
Nothing is in my way.
I see the daylight. I wonder how long it's been. How long since the last sound. The last voice. The last face I've seen. I wonder how long it's been since I entered. Since I looked around. Since this sick journey all started. I wonder. Where will the daylight take me? I've meandered for eternity and it ends with a set of stairs. Like the stairway to heaven, this is how my journey ends. I wonder how long it's been since wind has blown of my face, since daylight has came into my eyes. I feel rejuvenated. It's finally over. Over. It's over. It's really over. It's actually over. It's finally over. I can be free.