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Info Don't bother reading between the lines, those pages that you have are irrelevant. The truth is right in front of you, Cooper has already seen it.
Humanity is at stake, our peers are lost and soon it'll only be us. One by one we are lost, not in space, or time, but our humanity. What even makes us human? And why do we lose it? (An An Anthology Page) All An Anthology Pages:
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An Anthology
I still remember that day. Like a crystal ball refracting the same moment over and over again. And for once, it's not a memory that haunts me. I pray that this crystal will never break.
I was on the brink of death. Without food nor water, crawling. The first person I saw since I entered the Backrooms was Louise. I was too exhausted to scream or even cry for help. This moment felt like hours, as I was mere minutes away from dying. That pain I felt lifted at once as she undoubtably saved my life. I can remember those words she told me, spoken like poetry even though it had no deeper meaning. Well, it didn't to her. She said: "Let me help you. I don't want to see another one of us die.
I shift around, sitting at my desk. It's a mess, as I couldn't care less about it being organized. I don't want to be here, in this position. This feeling is a fire growing inside my chest, burning hot, with steam rising up to my brain. I can't think straight. I put my head down into my arms, leaving these feelings bottled for another day. All I can do is long to go back to the simpler days.
Louise introduced me to Pieter, a close colleague of hers. Pieter is a kind man, and he quickly became one of the two people to support me in the transition towards a new life. After a few days, I went through the monthly orientation. With little questioning, I joined the M.E.G. Although I don't regret that decision, I wasn't informed enough. I didn't know the hell that I was about to find myself in. Pieter walked me through the basics, and started me on my path as a researcher. I'm qualified, for sure. A lot more than the majority of the people here, I have a masters degree, but that means next to nothing here in the Backrooms. I was a Junior, and I was doing simple tasks under Pieter's oversight.
"Hey, Coop. Please don't be laying around all day. You know you have work to do." Louise softly taps me on the shoulder. "The very least you could do is clean your desk." As I rise from my labyrinth of thoughts, Louise is already on her way, facing away from me. She's probably heading to the wall. Most days she's on guard duty. I pick around lazily at the papers and nick-nacks on my desk, but nothing comes of it. It feels hard enough to move my muscles, picking anything would be a challenge. I lean back in my chair.
After a while, I got used to my place in the Backrooms. Every once and a while I'd go out for field research. More often than not, Louise demanded to protect me. I wasn't, and still aren't, sure of what to think of her. Sometimes she felt like an overbearing mother, yet sometimes like a younger sibling. I don't get why I see everything of this time with a rosy tint. It's like nothing bad ever happened.
And what I wonder the most is why the world is so grey now. Where did the colors of life go?
I sit at a table in the dining facility. Facing me is the standard rations. I will give props to the chef, they do make the monotonous food interesting every now and again. The Backrooms doesn't give us much to work with anyways. I stab at the mushy food with my fork. At least it is food, I guess. The dining facility has a few others in it, usually there'd be more, but not today.
I catch wind of one of their conversations. One man speaks, "-Survivor? It's wild."
I awkwardly look at them while trying not to make eye contact. The other man responds, "I know, right? He carried out three bodies by themself. They all-"
"Cooper, you know better than to eaves drop." Pieter catches me in the act. He's not so surprised, he's caught me countless times before. I can't help myself, when I'm alone. Pieter sits down, across the table from me, with his own plate of rations. For a moment he pauses, his eyes clouded. "So, yeah, uhm. I hate to say this but you'll have to postpone what you're working on for a while."
"What?" I question, sharply and abruptly. Neither hiding nor quieting my anger, or at the very least annoyance.
Pieter looks me in the eyes. He seems genuinely sorry, his posture is low and his eyes don't glimmer with sarcasm. "The higher ups have assigned you a project that you'll have to be working on with utmost priority."
"-How could they do-?" I can't help but get distracted by everyone else's conversations. Even though what Pieter is saying is more important, my mind can't stick in one place for long.
"Cooper." Pieter's tone rises. He messages his forehead with his hand, "Are you even listening? This is absolutely, without a doubt, definitely the most important thing you'll hear today."
"That was redundant." I push forward.
"Yes, Cooper. But," he growls, his usually calm self not keeping up. "You're doing it again."
"Okay," I relax on the remarks, "I'll listen. Tell me."
"They want you to prove exactly how, and in what ways, the Backrooms' geometry is non-Euclidean."
"And how in the hells and I gonna do that?"
Pieter shrugs. "You're the most qualified."
I sigh, palming my face, "Oh my God." There are so many things I want to say to Pieter, but he doesn't deserve it. This isn't his fault, anyways. I quickly stand up.
"You aren't gonna eat your food?" Pieter asks, pointing at my rations with his fork.
"Nah, I'm not hungry." I leave my plate to him as I walk off towards the wall, to go see Louise.
I make my way through the short distance in not-so-silence. Everyone is chatting about god-knows-what, and it makes me feel, well, something. It hurts.
"What is it this time?" Louise asks as I walk up to her. That sting in my chest is still there.
"I have this project that I got assigned," I say, confidently. "I'll need your help with it."
"How can I help?" Her tone shifts from annoyed to soft. She probably assumed I was going to ask her something stupid. Well, that's fair, most of the time I talk to her that is the case.
"I need to do some field research. Said field research being our local instance of Level 0." I pause, and Louise continues to look at me. "Where you come in is that, well. I know you don't like me going outside of Base without your supervision."
"That's true." She replies, "Thanks for letting me know. Meet up with me when you're ready for your expedition."
Huh. It really did work. "Thanks man!" I say, quite cheerfully. A man sets down a box in front of me.
"Yeah," he gasps out. "No problem. What's all this for anyway?"
He looks at me up and down. I respond, "The higher ups gave me an assignment. Apparently it's high priority."
"Yeah?" He says, "What'd you gotta do?"
A moment of silence passes as I look through the box. "They're making me prove how the Backrooms is non-Euclidean."
"Damn," He blurts out, "Welp. Good luck on that. Have a nice day."
"Thanks, you too." With one last check, indeed everything is in there.
As he's walking off, he adds, chuckling, "Cya later, Euclid."
"What?" I mumble out, half ignoring him. I pick up the box, and it's way heavier than I expected. Gasping for breath, I slowly carry it to the wall, one step at a time. Inside the box is a 250 foot tether, ten anchor stakes, and some purple paint. I have little clue how the M.E.G, let alone alone, would have acquired these materials. Shorter tethers are something almost everyone has, but one this long is quite unreasonable. Just so, I have no idea how it's possible to make this purple paint. I mean, it's what I need, but still. They sure did their magic.
As I come up to Louise, she offers to help me, no, she demands it so. "Here, let me help you." She grabs the box out of my arms. "So." She says, with a definite tone. "Do you have everything we need?"
"Yep." I answer, directly. "Thanks again, Louise. Really, I probably wouldn't be able to do this without you."
"No problem!" She responds cheerfully. It doesn't quite sit right that she's the one carrying the materials, and escorting me. What can I do though? I'm a researcher, not a wanderer. Louise starts walking out the entrance of the base, and calls out to the people on guard duty, "Hey! I'm taking my leave with Coop, you got the walls covered?"
One man gives a thumbs up, another responds with, "Yep. Don't worry about us. Stay safe out there."
Louise pauses. "Hey Coop, can you attach your short tether to me?"
"Yep." I say, taking one end of the tether attached to my harness and clip it onto hers. As soon as I do so, she begins to guide me, with a small nod of thanks, to the nearest transitional instance of Level 0.
Test 1
04/20/16
"So, what we'll do is mark every meter with the paint. Just a small dot." I tell Louise.
"Sure." She responds, slowly.
"We'll do this for a hundred meters, then on our way back, count how many dots we see."
"Wouldn't it just be a hundred dots?"
"Let's find out."
Louise sets down the box, and pulls out the paint. She hands it to me, gently. A strange tingle starts to rise from my chest. I grab the paint, and crouch down to put a small dab of paint on the carpet. My heart is begging to beat quicker, and the tingle has grown to a sting. As I rise, I take a deep breath.
"Are you okay?" Louise asks, simply.
"Surely." I respond, as I walk a few short paces before. "I just hope this is close enough to a meter." I pause, and look at the distance to the dot. I shrug. "It'll be fine."
"I think so too." Louise confirms, as I place another dab of paint where I stand. I stand back up, and I can't shake this feeling out of my chest. I don't get why I'm feeling this pain every time I breath, not now of all times.
I move another few paces, with Louise close by, scanning our surroundings. Every breath, inhale and exhale, leaves my heart feeling empty. I put more paint of the carpet. And again, and again. We repeat this with small deviations around walls and through corridors for a while.
"Hey," Louise says, softly, as I place the final dab of paint. She breaks the monotone buzzing of the fluorescent lights with her voice. "Hey!" She raises her voice and I jolt up. "Do you… see that?" I half try to shrug it off, naming it to hallucinations, but my heart tells me otherwise. It's beat is rapid, and I look up to where Louise is pointing.
"Well this answers one thing." I say, as I see a trail of neon purple dots on the carpet, meandering off into the distance.
Findings:
- 98 dots were observed on the way back (2 are missing).
- The trail of dots loops back on itself indefinitely after 100 dots in the 'forward' direction. There is no loop on the way back.
- The 98th dot is cut in half on the way back.
"You don't look so good." Pieter says, quite frankly. I've been out of it since I came back from that test. I can't shake the bad feelings about it. I'm sprawled out on my cot, and Pieter is sitting across the tent in a chair. "Seriously Coop. Go get some help."
I feel a pang of annoyance in that comment. I want to make a grand comeback, but I don't need to. I'll just say what I think, "It's just…" I sigh, deep and long. "I thought I knew how this project would go. I'm just…" I desperately want to say 'fearing' but I can drop that, "It's just that I've realized the scope of it." Not better, but I guess it works. "It's not gonna be easy-"
"But nothing is." Pieter answers, and that's a phrase we've come to say a lot. Both of us.
He finished my sentence for me. "Yeah that." I slowly and awkwardly rise out of my cot in sync with Pieter standing up. First he opens up the tent an walk out, and I follow in perfect suit. "I'm not sure when I'm gonna do another test. Heh, I don't even know what the test is gonna be."
Without looking at me, knowing I'm following, Pieter responds, "You already have the materials, don't you?"
"Yep."
"Just try anything and everything." He continues to walk, towards the research facility, "It's better to do more than you need and waste time than to not do enough and miss vital information."
A senior researcher pauses and looks towards me, "Hi Euclid, how's your project going?" I stop dead in my tracks, Pieter does too.
Pieter leans to me and whispers, "It's fine to ignore them." What? Seriously what? I haven't even had the time for the Senior's words to get to the processing station of my brain. Pieter, wildly out of character, scoffs at the Senior and walks into the research facility.
I have little time to process, but put in a quick "sorry" before following in. Out of earshot, I whisper to Pieter with a harsh tone, "Dude! What was that about?"
"I have a thing with Brett." He says, with a soft and somewhat sarcastic tone. "Arch-enemies since time immemorial." He chuckles to himself. "Don't get involved with 'that man'. Also, why are you following me?"
I just realize what Pieter's saying. I don't know. "Hah, uhm." I don't exactly want to admit that I'm out of it, but I totally am. "No clue. Autopilot. I'll— Yeah, uhm, I'll go." Pushing past the awkwardness, I go to my desk, and grab the box of testing materials. Everything is in there.
I feel a shiver run down my spine. There is an empty ache in my chest. I can't let these feeling bother me. I'm better than this. I must be better than this. Everyone is watching.
Test 2
05/02/16
I strike down the steel. A metallic clang rings louder than the buzzing lights, echoing in a screaming harmonic. The stake sinks down into the carpet, cracking and splintering whatever lies beneath. I take a gasp of a breath, "There."
Louise is watching me carefully. "So what's the plan this time?"
I grab the tether in the box, and clip it to my harness, then to the anchor stake. The carabiner makes a soft, springy click. A sound I'm just a little bit too comforted by. I take Louise's free tether, and clip it onto the stake without a word. "Okay, I'm going to walk over there," I point in an arbitrary direction down the halls, "And mark a point. Then, I'm going to take a longer route there."
Louise nods slowly, with a delayed reaction. Her eyes are darting from me to the stake. "Are you…" She asks, "Sure that this is a good idea?"
"Nothing is. Nothing ever will be." I remark, as I detach Louise from me, and begin walking. I don't look at Louise, but I can feel her staring me down. Over and over again I feel that same feeling. I don't get it. I don't understand what it is.
Stopping, I kneel down and make a mark with the paint. I have probably a hundred feet of slack. I turn around back to Louise. She's not there.
Yes, she is. What is wrong with me? The last thing I need to do is let my fears get the best of me. I slap myself on my face, hard enough that it stings. I make the paces back to Louise, and I make sure she's looking at me. "Keep—" My voice is louder than I thought, "Keep your eyes on that mark."
"Sure?" Louise seems confused. "Be careful, Coop. I know you're tethered to the anchor but that doesn't change a thing." She pauses, "Don't… Don't…"
"Yeah, yeah." I shush her, and walk around in a longer route to the mark. I'm no longer within Louise's line of sight. This is where the 'big bad' could happen. This is where one of us dies. I can hear my breathing, and I can feel my pulse. My ears are ringing.
I'm jolted backwards. The tether is taut, but I can see the mark, what? fifty feet away? "This… This is interesting." I mumble to myself. The route I took should've been somewhere about an extra twenty feet. All I was doing was going around a wall.
Each step slow, I make my way back to Louise. "Yeah. I expected something odd." I say, clipping her loose tether to me, and detaching her from the stake.
"What are you doing?" Louise says, sharply. That note of fear hits me.
"We're gonna take the same route I did. Together."
"O-okay?" She gasps, "Are you sure this will be safe?"
"Louise, c'mon." I'm annoyed, or maybe something similar. "We're in the Backrooms. Nothing is safe."
I pick up my pace, every step, every thought, and every breath happens faster. I'm running. Louise is too. As we whip past that last corner to where the mark should be, we find ourselves at… nothing. There is nothing there.
A click rings and pops. My eyes reflexively shut to blink. I can only assume Louise's does too.
Something has changed.
In front of us lies an anchor stake, and a tether leading off into the distance. The tether my harness is connected to is slack. I take a step forward, and I the tether inches away from us. "What in the hells?"
Findings:
- Taking a different route that, in Euclidean geometry, would have added twenty feet of distance, instead added over 200.
- Taking this route with the destination observe lead to the results above.
- Taking the same route with the destination unobserved lead to the destination disappearing.
- Upon observation being broken of this new destination, something changed.
I can hear the same phrase echoing from every voice. Every person. "Hi Euclid." What do they even mean by that? And how do so many people know the project I'm working on? Why does everyone know? Why is everyone watching.
I sink into my desk. There is a quiet chatter about the Research Facility.
"Did you hear that Ari-?"
Who's Ari?
"-rings is so cool-"
Moorings?
"-does he think he's doing?"
I think I know what I'm doing.
"C'mon, don't you feel bad-?"
I don't.
"-look, can't you see him?"
I don't.
"-he's not even doing-"
I'm not.
"-Euclid-"
Why are they talking about me? I know that the nickname has spread, but how far has the rumors gone? What do they think of me? They are watching me, aren't they? I can't stand it. My body is burning up, inside and out. I jump out of my chair, and run across the Research Facility to Pieter's desk.
"What am I doing wrong?" I whisper in an angry scream. He looked up at me.
"Huh?" His eyes look past me. "You're not doing anything wrong?"
"Coop." Louise is standing behind me. When did she get there? "We're here for you. I know what you're doing is hard, but don't think you have to carry it all by yourself."
I look at her, her eyes are drooping and worried.
"You have me," Her voice is soft, and her message is pleading to be listened to, "Right?"
"And me," Pieter chirps in. "If you need help with something, we're here. All you need to do is ask."
That empty ache that I've had for so long has turned to a pain in my heart. It tickles and begs with each of my breathes. It yearns to be answered. I'm so restless.
In what feels like nothing, and is only mere moments, I'm already out of the Research Facility, and quickly heading to the wall. Yes, Louise is chasing after me. No, I don't look back, but I can hear her footsteps, and her yelling which is merely incoherent to my ears.
In my great escape, Louise is faster than me. I make it a mere few steps out of the wall before she tackles me. Her grip is tight around me, and although I fall to the ground all I feel is her embrace. Why do I feel it? Where did the pain go? Where did my mind go?
Test 3
XX/XX/XX
We're in the same place as the last test. "Coop. I'm not letting you do something dangerous again." Louise is looking at me with cloudy eyes. Does she see past me?
The stake is in the ground, and we're tethered to it. "Hold my hand. A tether only works so much." I say, my voice is harsh, and quickly risen. Louise complies, slowly and confused.
I unclip us from the stake.
Nothing happens, I reattach us.
"Close your eyes." I tell Louise, she complies.
I unclip us from the stake.
Nothing happens, I reattach us.
"Cooper." Her voice starts shaking. What could she possibly be scared of? She's in the Security team, there's absolutely nothing to be worried about. Her eyes are still closed, and I close mine.
As everything is dark, I unclip us from the stake.
"Open your eyes." I say, opening my eyes too. Louise screams. I was expecting this.
We're at the side of the base, outside of the walls. Nobody can be seen from here. And nobody is looking here.
Findings:
- Observation, consciousness, vision, and physical contact and connection seem to have something to do with the geometry of the Backrooms. Although what happens seems to remain consistent, when different circumstances of observation and and physical connection are at play, effects may vary widely.
- When testing the geometry of the Backrooms in the future, do it alone. Do not be physically attached to a stake. It will not be safe.
Louise has been clingy since test three. Not sure why. Certain news about certain people have spread around like wildfire: The Arctic Survivor, but why also me? What have I deserved to get these rumors? Why are all the ones about me? When will I get a grandiose response to all my work? Louise and Pieter have been trying to swat away these rumors. Well, I think, no, I pray so.
My worst fear is that the ones closest to me have turned their backs on me.
I look up into the ceiling as I lie on the ground. Yes, people are looking at me. No, at this point, it's already too late to care. I start to chuckle from what I see.
Lines, cracks, seams in the corners. They're everywhere. Does it all make sense now? "Does it?" I say out loud, my chuckling rises to a form of cackling.
"Okay, time to snap out of it." Louise wraps her arms around me and scoops me up, getting me off the ground.
I stop seeing the seams. "Hey!" I exclaim, as my eyes shift from one seeing to another. I look at her. "No, no." My voice is sagging, sounding like it just got pressure washed. Then, it softens, "I'm sorry."
"That's not what you should say."
"Okay," I sigh, "Thank you." I pause. "Better?"
"Yes, now let's go and get lunch."
"Hey, Louise?"
"Yeah?"
"You know how I've been talking about all this stuff?" I'm so out of it. I can barely describe anything. My mind is running slowly and it seems that the 'forming cohesive sentences' section seems to have disappeared. It's frustrating. A deep sense of rage is welling up inside me.
"What about it?"
"I think I'll need to go alone." I'm following Louise.
"No." She stops, and turns to me. Her voice is harsh. "You've been in that…" She pauses, searching for words, "comatose state since last time you did one of those tests." Her voice softens just like mine did, "I know you feel like you should be doing. I do to, but don't you think it's okay to take a rest? Doing, doing, doing is all we do these days." She resumes her walking.
"It won't work if you're there, though."
"I'm saying you shouldn't be doing a test at all. Listen, I'm not trying to be your mother, and I'm not. I'm saying this as the one closest to you: I don't want to see you die. If you do, it'll be my fault."
"No it wont?" I'm confused, and unable to think things through anyways. Haven't we been walking for a little too long?
"Yes, yes it will. I know you don't get it, and that's fine." Her pace gets slower as she pushes up against me. "Don't act like nobody cares about you. I know for a fact I do, and Pieter's more than willing to send people to do your tests for you."
"Okay, okay. You're right."
And then the day passes.
Then the next, with nothing eventful.
When was the last time something happened?
I sit, leaning on the outside of the wall. I stare out into the endless background noise. Too much and not enough is going on in my mind. I'm tired and I haven't even done anything.
"You too, huh?" A man asks, sitting a few feet away from me. He's sitting in the lotus position, and I'm cradling my legs. I nod, my brain is working on overdrive just to simply exist.
"Do you ever, wonder…" He begins, "What comes after we die? You don't seem Backborn," he points at me, "I can tell by your general vibe." He sighs, "We all think differently, and I'd like to say, as a doctor, that there's a scientific explanation to it. But have you ever thought that this might be the afterlife?"
A pause hangs in the cold air.
"I.." I sigh, too lethargic to even use my vocal cords. "If this was the afterlife, then this'd be hell. And I don't think you're the kind of guy that'd go to hell. Me? Yeah, sure, but not you. You've saved too many lives for God to forsake you."
"There is no God. Even if there are supernatural happenings beyond our comprehension, I revolt the idea of a God existing." He glances at me, then looks back to the distance. "You know, there are people born here. To some people, this has been their entire lives. And I know a kid that recently lost their parents. She didn't deserve to be born here. None of us deserve to be here."
"I just can't imagine what it'd be like for this… This to be your entire life."
"But how would they even know?" Now, he keeps eye contact with me, "How would they know the wonders of Earth if all they've ever known is horrors? Wouldn't they be happy just… being alive? Why can't we be the same?"
I don't respond, I don't know how. It sticks with me.
The man stands, "I should probably get back to Ari." He starts walking off, then looks back, "Nice meeting you! I'm Ian, by the way."
I yell after him, "I'm Cooper."
Only after Ian leaves do I realize that not once did he judge me. I'm shocked and relieved at the same time. He might be the only one to not know the rumors yet, or he's simply a kind enough soul to not care. My mind logically thinks the former, but my hearts yells at me to believe the latter. Are there any truly kind people?
A moment passes and I hear footsteps closing in on me. I feel my heart start to race, who's looking for me? What do they want?
It's Louise. I take a short sigh of relief.
"Hey, Cooper." She says, holding her hands to her chest, fidgeting with her thumbs. "Can I talk to you about something?"
"Sure?" I respond. What could she want? Is she gonna demand me to do something outrageous again?
"What…" She takes a deep breath, "Do you think about me?" She steps over to me and sits by my side.
"I-" I wasn't prepared for this question. "You, and Pieter, are the only two people who care about me. I…"
Even though she's been making eye contact, her eyes jitter away.
"Cooper." Her eyes dart to me, and her voice starts losing its power. "I…" She takes another, deeper breath. "I care about you, Okay?" I nod. She smiles, awkwardly. "Not just as a colleague, and even more than a friend." I can hear hints in her voice that she's nervous, maybe scared? "You're kind, more than definitely smart. You have a beautiful sense of humor, and I respect you. But-" Her voice is now starting to collapse, she takes a breath. "You've changed. These past months, you've changed, Cooper. What happened?" I can feel these words entering directly into my heart as she starts to distance herself. "This project… you're obsessed! I miss you, Coop. What happened to the guy that made me laugh when I was down, what happened to the guy that…" her voice is growing faster and more urgent, "that helped me whenever I was at a loss. What happened to you Cooper? I want to let you finish this… I do. Maybe you'll come back, but I can't. I can't let you do this to yourself, Coop. Not again. Every day I can see you deteriorate, every day you ignore me more, and more. You are lost, Cooper." She pauses to take a breath and a sniffle. "One day I'll let you finish. But it can't be today. I won't let you kill yourself over this, Coop."
"Why?" My voice is starting to match Louise's. "I won't kill myself."
"You don't get it, do you?"
"No, I don't. What are you talking about?"
"Coop, I love you. Please don't leave me alone." She hugs me. She's crying, and her tears flow hot as the drip onto me. She whispers, "Please don't leave me."
I hold onto her, and slowly begin to rise. She looks at me. "I'm not going to leave you." I put my hands on her shoulders, and despite everything I feel I look at her in the eyes. "I will be back, Louise."
I can hear her stutter and I can sense her reach out to me as I walk, alone.
I walked, for a time. An ache in my heart is all that was on the way to the test site, alone. First clipped to the stake, I walked a hundred feet. I could see the fissures in the walls. Next, I walked without a tether. I passed the threshold, and there was no turning back. If you know where to look, there are cracks and seams everywhere, and only once there's a crack big enough do you fall through and noclip.
This was a revelation, and I was excited. I knew that soon I'd finally be done. Walking, or maybe even running, I jumped into these breaks in geometry. Each time, as I predicted, I noclipped. Everything is consistent, but that doesn't mean it can be explained.
Louise, I hope you are listening to this. Learn to see the geometry, it'll keep you safe. Pieter, if you listen, please finish my research and prove this. Thank you.
I've wandered to my death. Don't worry about the Origin, worry about what it warns. I've gone blind and I think a majority of my bones are broken. I won't survive. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry I never said it, Louise. As I die, I will use my last breath to return your love. I love you.
~ Cooper Holloway's last transmission