No I'm not. It's just a papercut.

It shouldn't The cut's barely even that deep.

I put my finger up to my mouth and lightly lick it. It doesn't sting. It doesn't hurt. It's not bleeding.

I put my hands in my pocket and continue walking.

Please work with me. Please just help me for once.

I feel hot in the chest. My eyes are welling up with tears.

People surround me. Are they looking at me?1

Shut up.

Fucking shut up.

Please.

I'm clenching my fists. It hurts. I'm cold. I'm…

Thoughts flood my mind. I ignore them.

Breathe. Like mom always told me.

Breathe.

I can feel the air go in through my nose, down into my lungs as it expands; then the air gently pushes out through my mouth. I can feel it on my tongue. I can feel it in my nostrils. The consciousness almost burns.

In, then out.

I ignore it.

Where am I even going?

I have stopped moving.

XXX: "Rory?"2

Shock; exasperation; I jump up; a sense of relief.

Me: "Hah!"

No, I just got caught off-guard. It's completely normal.

Me: "Didn't expect to see you, Arden!"

My voice is a bit quick.

Maybe I should try to slow down?

I feel anxious. Chest is tight; everything inside wants to move. A pain that I can never describe.

Me: "H-how's it, uh- going?"

My heart is racing. Fear.

That's fine, right?

…

The pause is awkward. It feels like an eternity.3

Arden: "Yeah, I'm fine."

No, he's checking to see if I'm okay. That's very different.

Arden: "Are you?"

What do I respond?

My vision is blurry. I'm hyperventilating.

My voice comes out as a whisper.4

Me: "No, not really."

Arden: "Well I hope you get better. Come on, we're leaving soon."

Me: "Okay."

I suddenly gain awareness of my surroundings. It's cold in here, but manageably so. Puddles of water found there way to the lowest, uneven points in the floor. Lights buzz from above, illuminating the Base enough only to see; not to see well. Arden begins walking away.

Should I follow him? No- yeah I'm stupid. He implied it.

I begin to follow Arden.

He didn't say that. He didn't fucking say that.5

Arden: "C'mon, I'll tell you what you need to do."

I'm sweating. My heart is racing. My palms feel moist.

It's just a papercut.

. . .6

My feet hurt.

I've been walking for too damn long.

It hurts to breathe. I'm exhausted, each breath feels hot.

Oh- okay. I hate this. Why did I agree with this? What did I do wrong to noclip into the Backrooms?

My head hurts.

XXX: "So we don't know where we're going?"

Only heavy breaths and slow walking make a sound. I want to respond to Jules.

Me: "We're exploring, dumbass."

Jules: "What the hell is wrong with you, man?"

Arden: "Yeah, dude."

Jules: "It was just a question, geez."

Me: "I mean, we were tasked to explore."

Jules doesn't respond.

Me: "That means we're looking at unmapped places."

Arden: "No shit, Sherlock."

Me: "Yup."

Jules: "Okay."

Awkward pause. I dread it.

I mean the last option isn't the worst. I… hope that it won't be awkward afterwards. I just don't want to be rude.

Me: "Yeah."

Jules: "That… makes sense, I guess."

Silence lingers.

Social pain.7

Goddamnit.

Arden: "Unexplored territory…"

Arden's voice is wistful.

I wonder why?

Oh-

Yeah…

My mind flashes with vulgar images.8

My head feels like it's going to split open.

Gah! Shut the fuck up bitchy-ass motherfucker. Why the fuck am I like this?

Howls shriek past us; echoing into the endless distance of the cliff.

Cliff?

There is a cliff to my right.

Huh.

Jules: "That shit ain't sound good."

Arden: "Let's keep a low profile for now."

Me: "Like hell they won't spot us in broad-damn-daylight."

Arden: "Yeah, like that's what I mean."

Arden makes eye contact with me and scoffs.

Arden: "Dumbass."

Me: "Okay, sure."

Jules chuckles.

Jules: "Now that's what I call keeping a low profile."

I jump of the fucking cliff.

What-?

My stomach rises as I fall.

No, I wouldn't do this!

Wind grabs at my clothes, my skin.

Why?

Chills, as I continue to plummet towards the ground.

Why am I thinking of this?

All at once, I feel every bone in my body break. The loud crack as I cease to live. For all I know, I could pop like a balloon of blood.

I am now afraid of the cliff. My eyes veer towards it, and I feel like I'm going to vomit at the thought of the cliff.

My heartrate is rising.

No? I really don't want to jump. I kind of love being alive sometimes.

I really don't.

Something grabs my head and shoves me down to the ground.

Panic.

Arden: "Get to the fuckin' ground, do you have a death wish?"

Arden hisses it through his grit teeth. Above me, creatures caterwaul in the sky.9

I swear, nothing's wrong yet.

Jules: "You can't keep spacing out Rory, we're not gonna let you die."

We're lying on the ground. It hurts, rocks stick out among the grass.

Grass, yes, we're hiding in grass.10

I remember.

[XXX]11

Me: "What entities are those?"

My voice is a whisper.

Good.

Arden responds in a whisper.

Arden: "Don't fuckin' know but playing dead seems to work awfully well."

The caterwauling gets quieter, and more distant. My heart is racing, I'm about to vomit.

It's okay to be in a bad headspace. This is the fucking Backrooms we're talking about.

Movements catch my eye. Shapes in the grass shift, I can't make it out.

The more I look at it, the more my head spins. It doesn't make sense.

This isn't an entity I've seen before.

Me: "Do y'all see that?"

Jules: "Shit."

Arden: "What even is that?"

Jules: "Dunno, but everything seems to want to kill us in the Backrooms."

Me: "Should we.., run?"

Arden: "No, let's just crawl away from it. It hasn't noticed us yet."

We begin to crawl backwards. I can't move my eyes away from the entity. It's hypnotizing.